• Funny KPI profanity hardcover journal with vintage equestrian embroidered design in cream on dark brown, hand-lettered title reading KPIs and other horseshit
  • Close-up detail of hand-lettered text reading KPIs and other horseshit on parchment cartouche with embroidered chain-link border and floral stars
  • Close-up detail of vintage equestrian embroidered design showing galloping horses, sunburst medallion, and scrolling chain flourishes in cream on dark brown
  • KPI profanity journal front cover with dimensions labeled 5.75 inches wide by 8 inches tall, one size
  • Funny KPI profanity journal open flat showing front and back covers with matching vintage equestrian embroidered horse and sunburst design, designed on both sides
  • KPI profanity journal lying open flat on conference table beside silver pen showing both covers with vintage equestrian embroidered design
  • Funny KPI profanity journal on brown leather desk pad beside coffee mug and pen holder in office desk lifestyle setting
  • Funny KPI profanity journal on white desk next to laptop and small succulent plant in work from home lifestyle setting
  • KPI profanity hardcover journal with vintage equestrian design lying on round wooden surface showing front cover
  • KPI profanity hardcover journal open to lined interior pages showing white perforated lined paper
  • Product details graphic for KPI profanity journal showing specs: 5.75 by 8 inches, sturdy hardcover, soft-touch matte laminate, 75 leaves of lined paper, perforated pages
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Journals Questionably Safe for Work

KPIs & Profanity, Funny Vintage Equestrian Hardcover Journal

KPIs & Profanity, Funny Vintage Equestrian Hardcover Journal

$19.95 USD
$19.95 USD
Sale Sold out
Shipping calculated at checkout.

This funny KPI profanity journal looks like it was pulled from a 19th-century riding library until you read the cover. Designed to hold 150 pages of your most unhinged meeting notes, strategic doodles, and thoughts too honest for Slack, it's bound in a hardcover that says what everyone's thinking but no one's allowed to put on the quarterly report.

Your metrics are made up and the points don't matter. Might as well write it down somewhere beautiful.

Perfect For

  • The middle manager who sits through three standups before lunch
  • Anyone who has ever been asked to "align on deliverables" with a straight face
  • A going-away gift for the coworker who finally escaped the dashboard
  • Corporate survivors, reluctant entrepreneurs, and remote workers who journal their rage

Design Details

  • "KPIS and other horseshit" hand-lettered on a parchment cartouche with stitched chain-link border
  • Galloping horses circle a sunburst medallion below the title
  • All linework drawn as embroidered thread on a dark brown stitched-leather ground
  • Cream/gold floral stars, scrolling chain flourishes, and rope swirls fill the full cover front and back

Materials & Care

  • 5.75” × 8” hardcover
  • 75 leaves / 150 lined pages
  • Perforated pages for easy tear-out (for the entries that need to be destroyed)
  • Sturdy, durable hardcover binding
  • Soft-touch matte laminate finish that feels as composed as you’re pretending to be

Made for You

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions.

Shipping and Returns

Shipping

  • Ships from Maryland
  • Item ships 3 to 5 business days AFTER you place your order (this is the time it takes to produce the journal)

Returns

Returns are only accepted on damaged or incorrect products.

You have 20 days after your order is delivered to contact dubious doodles and ask for a return.

Returns should be requested by completing this form. Request a Refund

© Olivia Phillips Design 2026. Original artwork.

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